I’ve thought about this post for a very long time.
I’ve even attempted to write it a few times, but with no success.
#Today isn’t just a day, it is an opportunity.
So here goes…
Over a year ago, I made a HUGE decision in my life.
It wasn’t an easy one.
In fact, it was so difficult that it took months of constant prayer and many, many long and heartfelt discussions with my husband before I could even THINK about doing it.
But in the end, there really was no choice.
I was in way over my head. Beyond overwhelmed.
And a house that needed more work than I had the energy or the budget to handle.
On top of that, without even realizing it, I was blogging full time.
For those who blog, you definitely know how time-consuming blogging really is.
Planning posts, doing a project for the post, taking photography for the post, writing the post, editing post, sharing the post on all social media.
And that isn’t even half of what it takes to be a blogger.
There is so much more.
But for me, something had to give.
There just wasn’t enough time in the day to do it all.
In the end, I chose to quit blogging because, to be honest, it was adding far too much stress to my life, and it was no longer fun anymore.
And that really was why I had started blogging in the first place.
Because I enjoyed it.
More importantly, because I had enough confidence in myself and my abilities to not worry so much about what other people thought.
But slowly, over time, that confidence began to wither away.
It was my own fault, really.
I allowed negative feelings to take over the joy that blogging had once provided.
Inadequacy, jealousy, irrelevant, envy, you name it, I began to feel it.
I also felt so disorganized and out of touch with everything from social media to technology, and so much more.
In truth, I had lost sight of who “I” was.
So I gave into those horrible feelings and I quit.
The sad fact is, I had become so burned out that it took months before I realized I hadn’t even told my readers why I was no longer blogging.
“If you leave without a reason, don’t come back with an excuse.”
There is no excuse for not telling all of you AMAZING and WONDERFULLY loyal readers who supported me for three years, why I left.
There is a reason though.
I felt like a failure.
And I didn’t have the courage to admit it to you all-never mind myself.
Days, weeks, and more months went by, and even though I was still paying for the blog, but obviously not using it, I just couldn’t bring myself to shut it down.
I still kept coming here and reading and re-reading posts.
I even starting making some tweaks here and there. Nothing major. Just little things. Things that had bothered me for some time when I was blogging, but things I just didn’t have the TIME to fix.
I even picked up my camera again and began to take a few photo’s to practice all of the things I had learned in the class I took, months before I quit blogging.
But I still wasn’t ready to commit to blogging again.
Then like the title of the post states, one day changed everything.
A day I and my family will remember always.
A day when Michael had to rush me to the emergency.
You see, I was having chest pains and shortness of breath.
When we arrived at the hospital they confirmed what Michael and I did not want to admit.
I might be having a heart attack.
“For I am the Lord your God, who takes hold of your right hand, and says to you, do not fear I will help you.” Isaiah 41:13
As they began to hook me up to all these machines and poke and prod me, I began to pray.
I knew, as any Christian knows, that my life was safe in the hands of our Lord, but I won’t lie.
I don’t think I’ve ever been that scared in my entire life.
I can still remember the look on Michael’s face as they hooked me up to the EKG.
For the first time my fun-loving, laughing, carefree husband was ……serious.
I’ll never forget his words as we waited for the Dr. to come.
“You’re not supposed to be in that hospital bed. That’s me. You’re the strong one. You’re the one I depend on. You’re the one everyone depends on. You can’t be sick, Christine. You just can’t be.”
He was right. I have always been the caretaker. I have never known any other way to be.
Helping others has always brought me the greatest joy in my life.
Realizing that I may not be capable of doing that, or anything I loved doing was almost more than I could handle.
But then I did what I did best.
I made a joke that it was probably just gas, and my husband laughed, even if it was half-hearted, and then we did the only thing we could do.
“Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it and it will be yours.” Mark 11:24
It seemed like a lifetime before the test results came back.
But when they did, happier words were never spoken.
The results were negative.
I was not having a heart attack.
Days later, after a thorough check-up with my physician, it was determined that I was just fine and what I had was probably an anxiety attack.
But it was still a wake-up call for me.
I do need to make several changes in my life to ensure that I don’t end up with major health issues.
Things like losing weight, relieving stress, exercising more, eating healthy, and getting enough sleep. Things I thought I had been doing, but I guess not as well as I should have.
Which means this lifelong ‘care’ giver has to start taking care of me.
Yes, it’s definitely going to take some getting used to. But it has to be done.
I LOVE my life, and my family and now…well, it’s time I start loving me.
And one of the ways I can do that is by doing things I LOVE!
Things that make me happy.
Things like this blog.
Yes, my dear, sweet friends, I’m finally ready to come back.
Not full time.
Not even part-time.
Maybe, part, part, part-time.
Tiny baby steps.
“It takes courage to show up and BE who you are.”
But it will definitely be back to basics for me.
I want to enjoy blogging again, and that means no perfection. No stressing. No feelings of inadequacy or failure.
Just me being ME!
An imperfect gal who knows a little something about SOME things.
Now I know, so many of you INCREDIBLE folks still follow me, and even though I’ve been absent for so long, social media hasn’t changed while I’ve been gone.
Many of you probably haven’t seen that I’ve been wetting my feet a bit for this BIG step over on Instagram.
I’ve been practicing my photography little by little, and even though I am FAR from where I want to be, I’m getting better, and I guess that is all I can ask for.
Speaking of photos, I’ve put a few key photos in this post. In the time I was not blogging, Michael and I accomplished quite a few projects in our home.
I have so much more I want to share, but this post is already WAY longer than I expected it to be!!
Blessings and hugs,